Brother,

where have you been? its almsost three months. where are you love of my life? everything is so different, so empty without you. how could you dissappear like this? how could you dig your fingers into my heart and steal away such a large piece? how could you touch my heart in such a way, and then just go....

you told no one where you have been? not even me. It wrenches my heart not to hear your voice. You are loved. You are missed.

Best friend,
if there was something wrong this is what I am here for. I am best friend. If I am the best, then you should trust me. Even with the worst.

Big Brother
and I have been praying for you. We ache for a response. We hope all is well.

I have been calling your name before The Lord daily, at least once. It is just too strange to hear laughter without your voice, and embrace without your hug. You are a piece of our lives, and with out you Brother...we feel so incomplete.

I don't know what is going on, but I'm here, here waiting for you to call, to reach out. It's so frustrating. We are worried sick and don't know what to do. We have asked for you, but to no avail. No one knows....

Is where you are so devistating that we could not know? If so. We understand. We just want to know that you are okay. Moreover we want to know that you are still serving Jesus.

Brother, you need Him. He is the reason that you are the way you are. You can do nothing without Him. He holds you together. And I know He will always hold you together, no matter what you have done.

You will always have my love no matter what you have done. You know this. I love you. Unconditionally, you are my brother. You know whenever things were rough, we got tougher. Although it has only been a year, it feels like thirty. You name has been engraved upon my heart. I can't forget you. You are my brother, and I love you.

I called today. I always call. Call to see if the line has been reconnected, to see if your home, to see....just to see....but always to no avail.

I don't mean to frighten you with all this crazed affection. I just mean to let you know I love you. I wish I knew what was going on with you or where you were so I can be there the way I want to be.

Brother, I pray you return safely. You are missed. I love you. satan is a liar. You will over come this,

and Brother,

You will come home.

In Jesus' Name.

As I close, I just want all of you readers to call my friend in prayer.

You don't need to know his name or his situation. Just please call my friend in prayer.

Thank You.
Posted by Da_Luvely_Lady_L on October 18, 2004 at 09:05 AM | Continue to Out
I know...It's been a while.

Lord.

Lonliness must be contageous. It is catching. I have been eyeing some of the people on campus, and just wondering. It been making me lonely. I have just been wondering.

Its has been so great though. God is good. He intervened and I got a wonderful Hebrew teacher. She teaches like I need to be taught, spoon fed...but I get to hold the spoon at least.

Ani ohevet et ha Adoni Yeshua. Et ha hachem, tzadeek, kadosh Adoni sheli. Who et ha Adoni, Adoni Yishrael.

Yes. It's Hebrew. I am learning. I am learning.

I got some I love you emails from my boys. I LOVIE YOU!!

I never got an "I love you" email from my boys before, I got two today. I usually get text messages or messages on my phone. However, I hadn't gotten anything from them in a while, and I got these emails...and I was so thankful. They really made my day. I was not so down but I needed the boost.

" ...Woe is a man that falls and has noone to pick him up.... that's in the
Bible somewhere...I just don't remember..."


- Esteban

Tanks Teebin (aka Esteban aka Stevie aka Stephen aka aka aka) and Ryan. I love you both.

I have been so overworked, my day starts really early and ends really late. God moves...

I am now in a position of leadership in one of the organizations at my school, and honestly I don't even know how I got there. I was just asked to be a part, and I did. Thank you Jesus.

Its been a success...the girl I mentor...she's such a wonderful person, and God will touch her and use her. I believe it.

Then I was at the InPDUM meeting today, InterVarsity Thrursday, yada yada.

Took a test today in Middle Eastern History. It surprised me because I thought it was Thursday. I kinda surprised myself. I knew more than I thought. I have a test Thrusday for Indian History, I have a paper due for African History tomorow.I can't even read my notes right now. I know exactly what I want to say, I just would like some sleep so I can say it properly.

God is so good though. I can't believe how good He is.

He's just giving me the grace to live, and I am so happy to be here.

...Diction. It is absent, it will be present once I gain some energy and eye rest.

I wanted to discuss how I have obtained some affection for a certain someone...if I really do have an affection. Or maybe its a satanic infection...who knows. I just want to stay where I am, I don't want to go back.

Not there, because back there wasn't doing me any good.



"Cause I'm broken, when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away."

- Seether

No, I don't feel right. Where have you been? Its almost been two months. Where are you? Come home. Please. I've been praying. I hope you know, I've been praying. I need you, we all do. It isn't the same without you. Come home. Please.Now as for you, yes I'm done with him, now I'm talking to you.

I know how hard its been since we broke apart. I love you. Never forget that. This is the path that I have chosen, you must choose your own. Please surrender your all to Christ. You know better than me that all this stuff you are experiencing can't go away...won't go away. Even when I was there, the situation was not getting better. You hid too much from me too early, and exposed it all too too late. I had to go, I was ruining your salvation.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I wish I could call you and tell you, but I can't. This is the decision I have made. I must serve God. He is my life. I won't let satan kill it anymore.

You musn't either.

*sigh* I miss you so badly, I think about you everyday, and I wish you were here with me. I do.

Baby I love you, but this is the decision I have made.


-------

"JESUS! Get your FREE Jesus! He's totally FREEEEE!"


- Me [shouting on the top of my lungs in the student center]



I am so tired...and I do believe I should go to sleep.

*sigh*

Pray for me. I need it.

- ©D
Currently listening to: Broken - Seether
Currently reading: The Kingdom of The Kush - Derek A. Welsby
Currently feeling: content
Posted by Da_Luvely_Lady_L on September 29, 2004 at 12:11 AM | 4 Pour Into Me...
FIRSTS

First best friend: Jesus

First car: Comming soon

First date: its sad...comming soon too

First kiss: age 18

First break-up: with that fool, Zack

First screen name: MadamLadyPrez

First self purchased album: I think a Kirk Franklin Album

First funeral: my grandfather when I was 10

First pets: never had any, my sister had some fish though

First piercing/tattoo: when I was 21

First credit card: Master Card for Whos who in American High School Students

First true love: The Lord

First enemy: The devil

First musician you remember hearing in your house: Good Question, its either gotta be Evie or the Bill Gather Trio

LASTS

Last cigarette: never

Last car ride: yesterday with Mikie

Last kiss: Sometime in May...no dates but always kissing...sad isn't it

Last good cry: Probably a month a go

Last library book checked out: The Autobiography of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Last beverage: Water

Last food consumed: Bacon, Egg, and Cheese that costed 1.85

Last crush: *sigh* My Esteban...my Wonder Twin and brother in the Lord. sshhhhhhhh

Last phone call: to my house, with my sister

Last time showered: dis morning

Last shoes worn: blunt heel sandles

Last CD played: Richie Righeous - Take Over

Last item bought: a money order
Last annoyance: buying the money order

Last disappointment: using that much money to buy the money order

Last time wanting to die: probably last week

Last shirt worn: shirt from ny and company

Last website visited: xanga.com
Last word you said: I'll be right back
Last song you sang: "plenty fyah to de lef han side"
What is in your CD player?: Richie Righeous - Take Over

What color socks are you wearing: none..but usually white
What color of underwear are you wearing? torquoise set from vickie.

What's under your bed?:dust

What time did you wake up today?: 7:45am..gotta be at work @ 9

FUTURE

Where do you want to go?: Guyana, Africa
What is your career going to be?: International Lawyer/Speaker/Preacher

Where are you going to live?: i will have houses everywhere

How many kids do you want?: 4

What kind of car(s): all the kinds i can get

CURRENT

Current mood: bored Current music: reggae
Current taste: chicken & salt water taffy

Current hair: straightened and wrapped

Current clothes: denim skirt and top

Current longing: to get closer to God; and....*sigh* Esteban...or whoever the Lord has for me

Current desktop picture: streaks of blue

Current favorite artist: Female: Lauryn Hill, Mary J Blige, Alicia Keys

Male: Fred Hammond, Isreal Houghton


Current book(s): The Moon and Sixpense - W. Somerset Maugham

Current color of toenails: natural with a design on my big toe

Current time: 3:26 pm
Current hate: paying bills

ME

My name is: La Donna

I may seem: Quiet at first to some and really loud and friendly to others

Sometimes I feel: Like jumping out a window

In the morning I: wake up

I like to sleep with: someday i would like to sleep with my husband's arms wrapped tightly around me

If I could be doing anything right now I would be: shopping endlessly

One thing I wish I had is: a better temprament, so I did not loose my cool as much as I do

One thing I have that I wish I didn't is: Bills...and more bills...

God bless you all man.

I'll be gone for a week.

-©Dx0x
Posted by Da_Luvely_Lady_L on July 31, 2004 at 08:43 PM | 1 Pour Into Me...

"what is this numbers in [my] pocket?
I remember when [I] used to throw those things away
why do [I] want to keep in touch now
who gave [me] a reason to act so shady"


-112 [edited in brackets]

"Everyone thinks you're so innocent, and I'm the bad guy."

- him

I always had the gift of driving those close to me to near insanity. So, he finally broke. After being forced to repress himself for all this time, he finally broke. He doesn't even know why he's mad with me. He's just angry. You know what, he's got every right to be.

God.

I prayed search me and show me my wrong, I wished I never prayed such a thing.

I led him on.

I do not know how men hurt women and sleep at night. I dunno how women hurt men and sleep at night either. I used to sleep very well.

He's a man. He deserves to be hurt. That was my justification. God. Help me.

Being blinded by my own insecurites, I used them as a crutch and a justification for the escapades that I indulged in.

That was what he was harping on when we argued.

"It had nothing to do with the 'black men thing', Donna it got way deeper than that."

- him

I am sure it did. No, he isn't innocent either. However, I have never seen my wrong before concerning him. God.

Now guilt rests heavily on my concience.

"You should sign your name 'The Original Heart Breaker'. You never give anyone a chance."

- K.C.

And I realize that he wasn't the only one who I hurt. There was someone else who I hurt badly. He would never ever admit that among other things, but I know I really did give it to him. I didn't even mean to. I wasn't even thinking.

I never looked at it that way. The consequences of my very bad choices caused me to loose him in a way that no one else could really have him.

God. I lost him too.

The very thought of all of this causes me to be very, very depressed.

Now I want to jump out of a window.

Help me Lord.

"Its over now..."

- 112

Notice Me...
All the way from the other side of the world.
The ordinary girl...
Notice Me.
Pay no attention to fool that I make out of myself...
Coffee stain on my shirt....
How I trip on the dirt...pebbleless dirt....
Yet...Notice Me.
I understand that you and I are on two ends of the same spectrum....
To reach over would make you the man kind rejection...
Notice Me...
Evade the 106 and Park Mentality....
I know the channel and this show are unintersting even more so....
But embrace me nontheless....
Notice me....Please do not regress...
Despite the way I burry my head in a book...
One day just shoot me a knowing look....
Despite the way I appear....
Notice Me...
Please Let your heart endear.
Notice Me...Please....
Ignore the torn heart and the skinned knees...
Ignore the imperfections....
Notice Me....
I beg your affection...Notice me.


He sits on the other side of the room, caramel skin, beautiful face...He doesn't even turn his head. So full of what ever fills his mind...I wish...I wish he would find interest in my company. Maybe I am too old...maybe college is too mature...maybe my heart is too immature...to have these naive girlish feelings about a crush on one of the cutest people in my major...he barely notices me....I must be too awkward....I wish he did though.

I tried to make converstation with him, he did not seem to pay me mind. I want nothing more than a friendship. I have had way too many liasions to desire more.

I wished one day he would just extend his hand in a hello to the book worm nerd that he does not admit he knows.

-©Dx0x
Posted by Da_Luvely_Lady_L on July 22, 2004 at 11:26 AM | 1 Pour Into Me...
Read Post Below This....


You sang to me

I just wanted you to comfort me
When I called you late last night you see
I was falling into love
Yes i was crashing into love
Of all the words you said to me
About "Life," "The Truth," and "Being Free"
Yeah you sang to me
Oh how you sang to me
Girl I live for how you make me feel
So I question all this being real
Cause I'm not afraid of love
For the first time I'm not afraid to love
This day seems made for you and me
And you showed me what life needs to be

Yeah you sang to me
Oh you sang to me
All the while
You were in front of me
I never realized
I just can't believe
I didn't see it
In your eyes
I didn't see it
I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it


When you sing to me
How I long
To hear you sing
Beneath the clear blue skies
And I promise you
This time I'll see
In your eyes

I didn't see it
I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
When you sing to me

Just to think inside of me
I had no idea how this could be
Now I'm crazy for your love
The words you said just sang to me
And you showed me where I wanna be


You sang to me
Oh you sang to me
All the while
You were in front of me
I never realized
I just can't believe
I didn't see it
In your eyes

I didn't see it
I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
When you sing to me

How I long
To hear you sing
Beneath the clear blue skies
And I promise you
This time I'll see it
In your eyes

I didn't see it
I can't believe it
Oh but I feel it
When you sing to me

Just to think inside of me
I had no idea how this could be
Now I'm crazy for your love
The words you said just sang to me
And you showed me where I wanna be
You sang to me
Oh you sang to me


- Mark Anthony
Currently listening to: Mark Anthony's You Sang to Me
Currently reading: Tim LaHaye's Glorious Appearing
Currently feeling: contemplative
Posted by Da_Luvely_Lady_L on June 11, 2004 at 10:19 AM | Continue to Out
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